Dru’s New World

I was a single father from the time my daughter was 21 months until I remarried when she was 6. I then had another daughter and after the divorce I am now a single father again of two daughters, 11 and 3. I am surprised at how many programs and help a single mother can get but there is very little out there offered to me and my daughters. When I was younger and had a 21 month old I was also very poor. I went to the local WIC office and when I asked if I could apply I was told, “Its WOMEN, Infants and Children.” After a few weeks of letters to higher people in the organization and a couple of weeks I was told that I would be able to get WIC benefits for my daughter. That helped out a little. Then came the battle of Child Support. I was working full time in an area that I had no relatives and payed almost half my paycheck for daycare.
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The court ordered my daughters mother to pay me child support. After a year of not receiving any I decided it was time to press the issue. I ended up getting in touch with the child support enforcement organization in the county and asked them what was going on. I knew that there were laws that said a parent will lose their drivers license if they do not pay child support. I was told, “She is a mother of another child and since her husband in the military she is the primary care giver of that child. We can not take her drivers license away or she would not be able to get her other child to doctors appointments or get groceries.” It was soon after this that I joined an organization that was fighting for fathers rights. But unfortunatly I was a father with custody and wasn’t really what they were there for. 9 years later I still have not received any child support. Now lets jump to two years ago, I received primary physical custody of my younger daughter after the divorce. I live in one state and my ex-wife lives in another. My Daughter was 23 months old at the time. I have been trying to get child support for the past year and do to Paperwork problems or my ex-wife contesting the court child support decisions have been getting put on hold for this time. So I am now raising my daughters as a single father with one income, over $600 a month in daycare costs. I have to take vacation days every time they have a doctors appointment and I just found out that I need to come up with $5000 for braces on my oldest. It is now christmas time so I asked the Orthodontist if it would be possible to gift wrap the braces since I have $45 to buy christmas presents this year. So I have been a Single father in the late 90’s and after a short break with some help I am now a single father a decade later. I no longer need to worry about it but when my oldest daughter was in Diapers the biggest proble I had was finding a place in public to change the Diaper. There were many times I would go to the manager of a store because there was not a Diaper changing table in the mens bathroom. After Diapers I would get funny looks when I would walk into a mens bathroom with a little girl in pig tails so she could use the rest room, more time than I can count I would have to leave because the bathroom was disgusting so I wouldn’t let my daughter sit on the toilet. I have noticed this second time around that more mens bathrooms have diaper changing tables, I know this is something little but to me it is a huge battle against the stereotype of Men. We also take care of our children. On the opposite side of things I still have a hard time getting support from either of the mothers. I can not stand hearing how much bigger their house is than mine and I really hate the fact that my children come home from a visit and talk about thier trip to an amusement park. Here I am shopping at the Salvation Army, eating mac and cheese with hot dogs. All I can think is how much better my daughters lives would be with a couple of mothers that would actually help me.

I have always been a competative person, thriving on stress and excelling at what I do when there is someone challenging me. I have recently realized that there is no need for someone to challenge me, Life is always in a race with me.
You may all realized that I have not posted anything here in awhile and I know you miss me
Life caught up and I had to handle those challenges before I relaxed. Of course that is what I love, Life gave me a couple of challenges and I take it in stride.
Last week I was invited to sit down with a Senators office to talk to them about an issue that has been pretty important in this state. It was an honor for this Korean War Veteran to not only invite me but to thank me for my service to the country. The whole week before I went there I was of course nervous. I have never been in a situation where I was able to tell people what I think and have them actually listen. But this Senator and his “People” listened and (although they want my vote) they actually seamed like they cared what I thought. I have been invited to speak on the subject at the local University this friday. Stress, Makes me bust my @$$.
On top of that I am in the process of buying my first house. I am going to be a land owner. I have never been in one place for more than 4 years and have never had the feeling that I wanted to stay long enough to buy a place. I am really excited about this and look forward to letting my kids decorate their rooms the way they want.
So the race goes on but hey, Talking about something that you are pationate about is nothing, and I have a realator that does everything for the house. Why stress? I have also been asked to be the Outreach assistant for this organization and work with other organizations to a common goal. Not enough? I was asked by another organization to build a web pressence for them and help do some online marketing for them. Still not enough… I have been given more duties and taken over another section at work… On top of that… The Good news, I go to court next week… I should get Child support after that.

I believe that this is just another argument to show how a lot of people are still discriminated against. As an employer that has hired a lot of people there is a lot that goes into the decision of who to hire and how much to pay that person. I can honestly say that I have never made a decision due to race, religion, sex or even sexual orientation.
When you hire a person for a position and you come up with the pay scale for that position you have a low and a high pay. Looking at the budget you try to get a person at the lowest pay possible so you have room to give raises and money awards to those employees. When the person gets hired you are paying the position not the person. As they work there you are giving raises on performance not the person.
I may not hire the most qualified person that has applied to the position because there are a lot of things to look for in the interview process, such as motivation, how they will fit in with the team and ability and want to learn the things they will be doing. If it is a woman or a man they should both be given the same opportunity to prove they are going to give me their best in that position. They are both going to need to show me the correct level of production to get the raises and they are both going to have to show the loyalty to get the promotion.
Equal pay is never going to happen but most of the time it has nothing to do with if the employee is a man or a woman, it has to do with performance and ability.

I know I have a Legalization of Marijuana blog and I should posting this on there but I try to keep those posts fact based. This is fact based but it just makes me so pissed off that I need to Vent.
I am a New York resident, The Medical Marijuana Bill has passed the Assembly and is going infront of the State Senate. That is great and I am glad it is being voted on. I understand there are people that do not agree with my stance on the issue and I don’t vote for them. The problem I am having now is after I just read an article about the debate.
They can debate all they want I have no problem with that. The problem I have the article says,
“a laundry list of New York medical associations have signed off on a proposed legalization bill headed for the State Senate, including the Medical Society of the State of New York, the New York State Nurses Association and the New York State Association of County Health Officials.”

Why can the Government tell me as a Patient that they know more than these Medical Associations? My district Senator does not have a medical degree. I can not understand why it should even be voted on. If the Medical Associations say it will help and be more of a benefit to the patients then why can the government have a say?

These People PISS ME OFF!!!

(believe me when I am debating this in front of people I can keep my cool)

I have been married twice and have been known as a serial monogamist. Marriage is very important to me and I think it is a great institution. I have recently been divorced for the second time but I still believe that marriage is great.

I was the best man at my brothers wedding a couple of months ago and was trying to come up with a speech. I began my speech, “If you know who I am then you know I can not make a speech about how to keep a marriage together.” Which is true, how can someone that has been married 2 times and divorced 2 times give any sort of advice on how to keep a marriage together. So I was having a hard time coming up with this speech.

I thought about it for a long time. Why do I think Marriage is great?

Life can be difficult at times. Sometimes the world seams like it is against you and it feels like a battle over keeping yourself alive. I have seen a lot of hardship in my life and I have had a lot of battles that I wasn’t sure I would make it though. when you have that special friendship with someone that knows how to be your team mate though life they become a very important alley in your battle against the world. When you have a friendship like that then it can get to the point that both of you want to form an alliance for everything that you are ever going to have to handle, the good and the bad. You are going to get out of a battle and want to celebrate with that person. You may become to tiered to make it thought the next battle so your friend may have to jump to the front lines and cushion the blow for you until you can handle it again. That person becomes your life. You realize that every battle you both face become a battle you both have to get though because you do not want the world to win any battle against you or your friend. You become a partnership. This partnership becomes a marriage of two warriors that work together as a team to reach a happy life.

Why would a couple not be able to join together? Because the Religious zealots believe that it is a sin? That makes no sense to me at all. I am not homosexual but I hope those friends of mine that are can someday feel the joy of marriage and enjoy that partnership for life. The government needs to understand that if you want to start looking at things in a religious view then they need to realize that you should “love the sinner but not the sin.”

Live like you are married and support each other in time of battle and life will be rewarding and happier. Let same sex marriages happen.